I started off not wanting to celebrate my birthday this year. It just wasn't the same without both parents and I hated the thought of my dad not wishing me a happy day as he would always do. I would have been more than happy to just let the day pass without any thought.
I've kind of been in a funk the past couple of weeks. Feeling overwhelmed with all the upcoming changes and financial woes and still dealing with the very unexpected passing of my dad . Toms unemployment has yet to come and we have been on zero income since the middle of February. Everything is behind from credit cards, house payment to car payments and the bank account is low enough where I get concerned of any little expense or the thought of it having a balance of $0. For the first time ever Tom & I will have to consider some form of government assistance. It's been a little hard to know that we have to walk away from our home, property and many of the animals we have been fostering. Earlier this week I had to put two of the kitties down because there are lack of available homes for them. It was a sad day and I miss the two dearly. There are several other kitties that still need forever loving homes and my heart can't bare to put anymore of them down.
With all of this and getting ready to have a large moving sale, I just wasn't sure if I wanted to even think about my birthday. Turns out I didn't have a choice and the day before was quite a delight.
I told Tom there was no need for a gift or a card. It wasn't in our budget! I had been needing to get out of the house, but am limited with my chemical sensitivities on where I can go and what I can do. My favorite place to be is simply out in nature. I love being in nature more than anywhere else in the world! Yesterday the weather was near 70 and sunny. Today it was supposed to rain, be windy and cool. We decided to go to Delaware dam yesterday, but on the way there I got distracted. I wanted to follow my gut so we turned on an unfamiliar country road. We ended up traveling about 5 mph on an old dirt road and came across many nature preserves for viewing wildlife. I doubt many people know of these secluded areas in Delaware county. The drive was stunning and when we came to a stop sign I would ask my gut what direction or road we should take. We almost turned around once as we thought we were going to dead end or run out of road. To our surprise we came across an area where the banks of the river were exposed for several feet. This wasn't the normal for the area and the water has never receded to this extent. The unearthed beach/river banks were covered with shells, fossils, ohio flint and so many other magical elements!
We spent the day walking along this exposed river bank, searching the rocks and finding all sorts of nifty treasures. Everything was so surreal. There were waves crashing against the rocks and banks, birds swooping down and eating the exposed muscles and fresh water oysters, exposed rocks that were normally under the river with gorges and holes throughout them were a common sight. It was stunning!
I found myself feeling energized and cleansed by the elements of sun, water and sand. I touched and ran my hands across the large exposed rocks. I mushed the yellow clay that was in the shallow waves through my fingers to feel the cool moistness and organic energy it offered. I stood on the sand and allowed the wind to carry away my burdens, fear and negative emotions.
I made new memories yesterday, new visions and experiences to reflect upon. Despite all that currently is, I am blessed to have such an appreciation for the simple and beautiful things Nature provides us with.
After our little outing we came back home. The weather was still decent but the dark clouds of an upcoming storm were approaching quickly. We decided to take a walk around our property and pond. We knew the reality was that it may be our last walk together on our farm. We spent a good hour or so walking the trails Tom had created along the pond and creek. We took Stetson & Cubby Bear with us as they love walking the property.
As we made our way back towards the house, Cubby Bear was running circles around us and being his silly self. I snapped this shot of my little guy out towards one of our gardens.
When we were just about finished with our walk and getting ready to head back inside before the storm came, I decided to pet one of our muscovy ducks named Princess. She loves to walk with you when you are outside and she is quite the sweetie. Our outside kitties get along well with the ducks. Eragon decided he would come up to Princess and rub around her body. She wasn't really in the mood and she was speaking at him telling him to stop or else she'd bite his tail. ;-) She does this when one of the cats get overly loving with her!
And so today is my actual birthday and despite my initial thoughts, I am loving every second of it. I awoke without crying or anger and there have been several weeks of that. Upon coming downstairs I discovered Destiny had made me a fresh pot of coffee before she left for school. Tom asked if I minded that he go in the garage today to finish working on painting a car we have. He's custom laying and painting tribal stripes and graphics on our grand am in hopes it appeals to a younger kid that will want to purchase it. Tom is a magic man when it comes to the automotive industry. With his 25+ years professional and custom experience he can do anything from a full restoration, lowering, installing scissor - flip up doors, custom paint with flames, stripes or just about anything else your mind can imagine. I built him a website a while back to show off his amazing work. http://CustomOhio.com
So today it is quiet. Destiny is at school, Tom is working out in his garage and just me and the four legged friends are staying inside and dry from the cold spring rain. I like this moment I am in. It is simple and beautiful.