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It's been a while since I have had the courage and the ambition to take the time to sit and write with my blog. The time these days seems to fly by. I can't believe it has already been a month since my dearly beloved father abruptly and unexpectedly passed away. There were days of denial in the beginning and nearly a month later I still find I miss him as much as I did the day after he passed. Some days the reality that he is physically gone sets in harder than others. These are the days I find it hard to look outside and see the circle of stones where we used to have our bonfires. There are other days where I know my dad is at peace and where he is supposed to be. I trust in the universe that everything flows with perfection and what happened was the perfect timing. A month later and still a shock yes, but more accepting of the circumstances.
As a daughter I knew a day would come when I would lose one or both of my parents. It's still hard because of the unexpected circumstances surrounding his physical death. If my dad was having a good day he would recite an old native american sang, "It's a good day to die." Indeed it was perfect for him. As a wife and a mother my heart aches for my mom, Earth Heart. She lost the love of her life. After nearly 30 years she is alone without her soul mate to share her days.
I've spent the past few years living by the motto; Live & love for today as if tomorrow never existed. With the dis-eases and medical issues I have dealt with I have learned that life is way to short and you never know what tomorrow will bring. The honesty of the situation is none of us knows if we or our loved one will be alive tomorrow. So please, I beg of you, love for today with our any regret.
Sometimes I feel like I could go on for hours about my dad. I have so many wonderful memories of our time together. He was one of the worlds best fathers. There were many that called him Dad or looked up to him as a role model becasue of his caring and compassionate ways. In his eyes he had many children, more than just those of his own blood and he loved us all! Even those who only knew him a short time felt a kinship in spirit or had an enormous amount of respect for who he was and how he lived his life. He truly loved and lived for today as if tomorrow never existed.
The initial shock of my fathers abrupt passing is finally wearing off. His residual memories and energy still floating about the various places he has been and continues to go in his spirit form. I feel him around us when the ancestral energy is present. I can't help but refer and think about the dream/vision I had with the ancestors just a week or so prior to my dads passing. I find it interesting that all his family was gathering and the old man placed the burning smudge stick in my chest. I can't help but wonder if this was part of them letting me know and them gathering for his arrival.
I will soon begin again to post the Weekly Lunar Readings & Magical Attributes along with the Oracle Message from the Fairies on Tuesdays. I will also be adding more of the Nature's Remedies and other misc. posts. I have to remind myself that the world doesn't revolve around me or my family during this time. Everything continues to flow as it should and we must not put our entire life on hold.
There will be weeks here and there that I may not get around to the normal postings. I apologize in advance for this. Under the current circumstances Tom (my hubby), Destiny (my daughter) and I will be moving from our home in late June to relocate 80+ miles away with my mom (Earth Heart). I feel this is how it s supposed to be and according to the universe I must be right. ;-) The way things are going are leaning towards that way and seem to be out of our hands for the most part. We are currently behind 6 months on our mortgage becasue of Toms drop in hours at work. He is currently laid off now and we are still awaiting his first unemployment check. Unfortunately the amount of unemployment is about a 1/4 of what he normally brought home.
Things in our life are changing quite rapidly and dramatically. We dropped our medical insurance over a year ago. It was a choice of groceries on the table or insurance. I do like to eat so we felt it best to drop the insurance. We've changed our spending habits the past several years, simply by choice to be more sustainable and get back to basics. Between his hours dropping even more and now the lay off, we have had to make a choice between groceries and house payment. My mom will need us at her property to create and tend to the garden so she can continue to can and prepare of the future. Tom will assist in doing the property chores that my dad had once handled. In a way I am looking forward to going home where I grew up but on the other hand I find it difficult to simply walk away from all Tom & I have created together. I believe the universe is calling for us to go back home with our families and no matter how bad things can appear at our home front, I trust the universe has a grand plan for the end result. I'm just along for the cosmic ride, so I will go with the universal flow of things.
In the mean time we are dong everything we can to scrounge up side jobs and work to keep our car and truck. We know and have accepted that we will lose the house and many of the 'stuff' that resides in it. Yes, it will still be hard to walk away and I'm sure I will cry. This farm and property here have been our home since September of 2001. I will miss my organic produce stand, the pond and the creek that runs like a moat over 3/4 of the property. But this is all just stuff that can be replaced. I still have my wonderful husband and beautiful daughter and all of us are alive, so there for I feel blessed!
The past couple of weeks have been a little aggravating for me but I presume they will begin to lean toward to positive side of things again. Last week I had my first wisdom tooth pulled. For years they have been bugging me but two of them got infected and abscessed. The one was easy to get out a good pull and it was gone. Yesterday I went to have the other one on the bottom pulled and don't you know after two hours they were still fighting with it while I was in tears and practically screaming. The dentist couldn't get it out without cutting my gum, shaving my jaw bone a little and breaking it into pieces. Thus I was rushed to an oral sergeant, knocked out and had surgery and stitches done yesterday. We had to borrow a chunk of the money for the initial dentist visit. Just to pull my tooth was $200. They were unable to pull it as I mentioned above so my bill is now $855. from the oral sergeant. We had to pay half up front and the rest in the next three months. I have no idea where I will get the money or ho I will pay back what we borrowed. I'm trying not to stress about these things out sometimes it is difficult. Last Thursday I heard a couple of male cats fighting out back so I ran outside to scare them apart and avoid any more fur flying. I began to chase them and when I got off the patio and onto the wet ground I hit a mud puddle. Unfortunately I slipped in a big way causing my left knee (the leg that already has the bone marrow bleeding) to go inward and tare a ligament. Seems I tore my MCL and I am now in a brace and on crutches for a few weeks. Shewwww.... It has to get better now. I still look at it as an opportunity. Obviously I am supposed to be down to focus on something. I just haven't figured it out yet. ;-)
I haven't checked my website or Etsy shops in a month or since my dad passed. I don't even know if all my stuff is still listed on there or if they have expired. I should go check that out either today or tomorrow. My Etsy shops and items may be he only thing to help us skim by for a little while.
All and all I expect things to get better. They always do. I have seen some of the most beautiful situations or gifts come from the most negative aspects of life. I have hope and faith that things will get better and they are going as planned by the universe. Life is too short to live in the past or dwell on the what ifs.
On a positive note, I have finally received my credentials and documentation of becoming a High Priestess in the Druid, Pagan and other earth based spiritualities. I was also recognized and given the credentials as a Spiritual Healer for my many studies and life experiences. I hope to scan and post my credentials very soon. I look forward in the future to doing House Blessings, Aura cleansing, spiritual smudging, handfastings, commitment ceremonies, life celebrations for birth and death and much more. I'm very excited to be officially ordained and recognized as a Reverend, High Priestess and Spiritual Healer. I only wish my dad could have seen my accomplishments in person. Though I know he is here in spirit and sees them now. I also know he is proud of his baby girl.
I'll continue to resume posting the normal posts now that the main commotion of everything has finally settled down a bit. I know things will never be the way they used to be but now it is time to make anew.
All my love to my readers, friends and followers. Your words of encouragement and support are greatly appreciated!
~ Rainbow Tree ~